What keys?!

It sucks to end up as the 'bad person' when you weren't clued into how things work to begin with.

Allegedly, a bunch of balls and equipment were scattered in the high school gym early this morning. Because my team was the last one to use the gym, we (the coaches) were reprimanded for leaving equipment out. What equipment?! Josh and I looked at each other in confusion. We always made sure we put everything away, so we had no idea what we were being scorned about. Turns out, we were supposed to lock every cabinet and door before we leave. But, a lock requires a key. And we were never informed about any keys.

On a similar note, everything that goes on at the moment--the little that does, really--doesn't seem to follow a smooth path. How many times do I have to rewrite my letter of intent for my grad application? I mean, at least the letter improves each time that I do. Relationships don't, the more you try to do something right, the worse they get. Progressively worse, increasingly emotional, and exponentially frustrating. I become more apologetic, and of course there's no one to stop me. And then mom needs to be paranoid (rightfully so, however) about my trip to South America. And no more IM conversations. Yeah, good one, Sohko. As if that's going to improve anything, including your own mood.

What a blow to my motivation this week has been. I am not looking forward to the rest of October.

You know, sometimes I wish we had the ability to drop everything. Just drop everything. Fuck responsibilities, fuck future plans, fuck aspirations, fuck goals, fuck relationships, fuck everything that takes mental energy, patience, and sanity, and just...leave. Ironically, times like these when you're in a shitty mood, you need mental energy, patience, and sanity the most.

So then you take a deep breath, and say, "Life sucks. Life's not fair. Shit happens." And then you cry, because it's important to let things 'drop', at least that much.

I'm done.